From Maiden to Mother
I can remember the pod call before the Christmas break on my Cycle coach course. Our pod leader, Nat, was taking us through a meditation, journeying in to meet our mother archetype. I don’t think there was much of a profound message for me, not like when I met with my angst filled maiden. Soothing younger Claudia and giving the hug she needed. In my moment to share, my reflection was that ‘I have always wanted to be a mother, and one day I will be. But right now, she’s not an archetype I really resonate with’.
Sike.
To be honest, little man was a surprise blessing. I was 2 months into a new relationship when my test was positive. Don’t get me wrong; I had a gut feeling about Ken. But let me say this clearly, when you ask the universe for something BE SPECIFIC. I’d asked for this man, I’d asked for motherhood, I just hadn’t specified when. So what did she do? Beautiful mother Gaia, ever the teacher, gave me both.
After the initial surprise, conversations and leaving my close family speechless, the eternal luteal phase began. I really imagined during pregnancy I’d be a glowing goddess. For the first 17 weeks or so, nothing could have been further from that. More like maiden to nauseous sloth. The constant feeling of motion sickness, my digestion that slowed to an almost halt, the tiredness that meant a 6 hour work shift was the ONLY task I could complete that day, the UTI and antibiotics, and the almighty mood swings. It was the longest, darkest, autumn.
Honestly, if you want to get to know someone, and really test that initial bond you feel, get pregnant early on!
I’d love to tell you nutrition and naturopathy supported me through this journey. That menstrual cycle awareness helped me embody my new found motherhood. But it didn’t. I was balls deep in the most grim inner autumn, and I just had to survive. Peanut butter, jam and banana on toast became my safe food, and sleep was acceptable at any time of day. Now clear of my eternl autumn, I can see where I could have supported myself better and I will take that knowledge forward. But honestly, there was no way this girl was stomaching ferments and protein. And I refuse to punish myself for that.
On top of the physical bleurgh was the loss of my spiritual, rhythmic anchor. Without my menstrual cycle and her four phases I was lost. Since falling pregnant I’ve journaled three times, meditated twice and read cards once. I do think it is a shame, I’d love to have something to look back on, but again I won’t punish myself for that.
22 weeks and I now feel like I’ve emerged into spring/summer. The moody, exhausted, nauseous cloud has lifted and in it’s place is a resemblance of that glowing, pregnant goddess. It can’t describe when it happened, slowly it turned. I feel lighter, brighter. If I could describe my current being in one word, it would be ‘connected’. Connected to my baby, my body, my partner. I feel an energy, a flow of life force. The sun is out and with this my self-care has returned. My nutrition is there to nourish me and baby. I move to build and prepare. I embrace stillness to connect to little man as he squiggles inside me. I am returning to and delving deeper into my rituals and practice.
Delving deeper into the mother.
